Sober Powered: The Neuroscience of Being Sober

I went to a drinking party over the weekend with my in-laws. The family party was by the Jersey Shore, which is a 6 hour drive from my house. I’ve described these parties in the past as marathon drinking parties, because the drinking lasts so many hours. This one was 4 hours at a restaurant, then 4 hours at someone’s house.

I think people assume that being sober around drunk people is always hard because you want what they have. They assume the challenge is temptation. Like you’re standing there staring at everyone’s wine glass thinking, “Poor me, I can’t have that.” But that was not my experience at all.

I’m over 6 years sober, and being at this party did not make me want to drink or feel deprived. When you’re drinking, you are inside the experience, but when you’re sober and everyone else is drinking, you’re not inside that illusion. You’re watching what alcohol actually does.

Because from the inside, alcohol can feel like connection, confidence, fun, freedom, and relief. From the outside, it can look like people getting louder, closer, less aware, more repetitive, more intrusive, and less connected to the actual person in front of them.

So this episode is not about how to white-knuckle your way through a drinking event. It’s not about how to survive a party while secretly wishing you could drink. It’s about what happens when you’re far enough away from alcohol that you can see it without the fantasy. 

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Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

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Long-term sobriety can be a strange phase because from the outside, things might look pretty good. But internally, you might still have this feeling of, “Is this it?”

And that can be really confusing because you did it. You made it past the constant cravings, the social anxiety, the awkward firsts, the nights where you had to white-knuckle your way through. So when you get a couple years in and you still feel restless, bored, unfulfilled, or like something is missing, it can make you start questioning the whole thing.

You might think, “Maybe sobriety isn’t enough.” Or, “Maybe I did all this work and my life still feels kind of flat.” Or, “I thought I’d be happier by now.”

And this is where people can get tripped up, because they interpret that dissatisfaction as a sobriety problem. They think the issue is that sobriety didn’t deliver enough. But that’s not usually what’s happening.

Early sobriety is about protection. Middle sobriety is about understanding your patterns. But long-term sobriety is about expansion. It’s about asking, “Now that I’m not drinking, what am I actually building?” It’s about making sure the life you built is worth staying present for.

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Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership


Content only membership https://community.soberpowered.com/checkout/lessons


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Weekly email:


You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Support the show:


If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered


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Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

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Middle sobriety can be a really confusing phase because you’re not in the chaos of early sobriety anymore, but you also may not feel the way you expected to feel by now. Maybe you start thinking, “Why am I still like this?” or “Why does everyone else seem so much happier than me?” or “if sobriety is supposed to make my life better, why do I still feel bad?”

This is where a lot of people get discouraged because they think feeling better physically means they should be doing better emotionally. They think if the cravings are quieter, the hard part should be over. But that’s not really how this works.

Early sobriety is mostly about not drinking. It’s about getting through the day, planning your time, avoiding obvious triggers, and creating enough structure that you don’t go back to alcohol.

Middle sobriety is different. This is the stage where you start to see what alcohol was actually helping you avoid. 

So if you’re somewhere between a few months and a couple years sober and you’re thinking, “Why am I still struggling?” this episode is going to help you understand that stage more clearly. 

Work with me:


Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership


Content only membership https://community.soberpowered.com/checkout/lessons


Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

Weekly email:


You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Support the show:


If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered


Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you’re in early sobriety, it can feel like you’re overthinking everything. You’re thinking about what you’re going to drink, what you’re going to say, whether you should even go to something, how you’re going to get through the night, the weekend, the next event. It can feel excessive, like you’re putting way too much thought into situations that used to feel automatic.

Your brain still sees alcohol as important. Your decision isn’t fully stabilized yet. So it’s trying to protect you by scanning ahead, predicting situations, and figuring out how to handle them before you get there. It’s not trying to make your life harder, it’s trying to keep you safe in a situation where things still feel uncertain.

I know it can feel frustrating to have to think about sobriety so much and like this is going to be your life forever, but this phase is about learning how to use that thinking in a way that actually supports you instead of fighting against it.

Work with me:


Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership


Content only membership https://community.soberpowered.com/checkout/lessons


Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

Weekly email:


You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Support the show:


If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered


Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not everyone has a rock bottom moment and you can't control if and when it happens for you. In this episode, I share how you can make the decision final without waiting for it to be "that bad".

Work with me:


Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership


Content only membership https://community.soberpowered.com/checkout/lessons


Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

Weekly email:


You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Support the show:


If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered


Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices