The Desire Question

Actress, singer, and author Gina Gershon talks about her new memoir AlphaPussy: How I Survived the Valley and Learned to Love My Boobs with Laura Federico, psychotherapist and host of The Desire Question. Gina resists the idea of AlphaPussy as a guidebook, saying the real message is to know and be honest with yourself. She turns the tables and asks Laura about sex in this climate of swipe culture, sex robots, and a shrinking appetite for soul connection. The episode ends, as the book does, with a rallying cry for self-knowledge.
***
AlphaPussy by Gina Gershon
The Cycle Book by Laura Federico
***
02:31 — Is it better to desire or be desired?
06:01 — Gina tells a younger woman who couldn't confront a harassing guru: "Until you can do that, you're always gonna be in a subservient position"
07:38 — "Some people say follow the money, but I say listen to my gut"
08:00 — Growing up without social media gave Gina an advantage in reading people
11:37 — Gina describes being so empathic she sometimes couldn't leave the house
12:54 — "People are scared, and you know what? They should be. It's a weird time."
13:32 — Gina asks Laura: are people's sex lives diminishing?
14:26 — Sex robots, swipe culture, and the shrinking soul connection
17:21 — How the book actually came together
18:36 — The gap between what we say we want and what we actually believe
21:28 — To thine own self be true
***
Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

Tanya Bush—writer, baker, and author of Will This Make You Happy?—joins Laura Federico to talk about hunger as a form of desire, and why being hungry can feel more alive than being satisfied. They discuss appetite as self-knowledge, the younger self Tanya writes toward in the book, and how desire once drove her toward baking, romance, travel, and reinvention all at once.
***
Will This Make You Happy?
Cake Zine
Laura Federico
The Cycle Book
***
04:33 — Is it better to desire, or be desired?
05:36 — Appetite as self-knowledge
06:07 — Writing toward her younger self
07:24 — Baking, Italy, and wanting everything
09:08 — Making pleasure by hand
13:07 — Hard doesn’t always mean meaningful
14:06 — Tuscany and the fantasy of transformation
15:02 — The “intern in paradise” trap
18:30 — Compassion for the former self
19:40 — AI in baking and writing
20:15 — Why community still matters
21:30 — What’s real online anymore?
***
Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

Laurie Stone and Richard Toon—writers, artists, and married partners—join Laura Federico to explore desire as a creative force and the relationship between vulnerability and art-making. They discuss why desiring is more pleasurable than being desired, the etymology of desire as "wishing for what the stars would bring," and how writers must create space for readers without needing anything from them. The conversation moves through the dangers of self-expression versus art-making, the role of embarrassment and failure in honest writing, and how gender constricts experience. They reveal the surprising emotional dividend of their recent marriage after years together, and why looking bad on the page is essential to good art.
***
Laura Federico
The Cycle Book
Laurie's Substack
Richard's Substack
Their Vows Column
***
03:17 — Is it better to desire or to be desired?
03:35 — Richard on being a desirous person all his life
04:01 — The etymology of desire: "to wish for what the stars would bring"
06:41 — "Desire fulfilled is desire destroyed"
08:00 — How Substack closes the loop of reciprocal desire
09:40 — Teaching readers how to read you over time
12:10 — The narrator can't need anything from the reader
16:02 — Writing as "coming and going rather than beginning and ending"
16:43 — When readers misidentify the project
18:07 — "Welcome to our generation"—on constriction in younger writers
19:18 — The human condition: "the little naked ape trying to make sense of it"
21:19 — Art-making as more like making shoes than self-expression
23:40 — "Looking bad is the best thing in the world for art"
28:26 — How Laurie proposed
29:27 — The marriage dividend
***
Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

Grammy Award-winning violinist and acclaimed author Ling Ling Huang joins host Laura Federico to explore the tangled relationship between envy, desire, and creative life. From unwanted projections as a child prodigy to discovering her bisexuality later in life, Ling Ling discusses how she moved from being passively desired to actively desiring—and why that shift changed everything.
They dive into the intersection of envy and love in female friendships, betrayal as a creative catalyst, the torture and liberation of jealousy, and what happens when you finally achieve the thing you've been choking on bitterness to reach. Plus: AI as confessional, pregnancy mysteries, Luddite parenting, why friction makes music (and relationships) worth experiencing, and how showing up—even when it hurts—might be the most radical act of all.
***
Laura Federico
The Cycle Book
Ling Ling Huang
Natural Beauty
Immaculate Conception
***
04:13 — Welcome to Ling Ling Huang
04:45 — The central question: Is it better to desire or to be desired?
06:12 — Traveling alone as a young violinist and inappropriate adult attention
07:17 — The active versus passive nature of desire
08:10 — The torture of envy as a human experience
09:14 — Competitive music conservatory culture and coded critique
10:24 — When her best friend cheated with her boyfriend
11:45 — The continuation of love after betrayal and stepping back as an observer
13:01 — Showing up even when it's painful
15:25 — Writing as a "baby writer" and wanting everyone to talk about envy
16:44 — "Choking on the bitterness"
19:05 — Debut anxiety, goalposts, and comparing yourself to other authors
21:00 — The mystery of our bodies, especially in pregnancy
27:23 — Using ChatGPT as a confessional space
29:12 — What happens when human relationships have more friction?
***
Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.

Aidan Ryan and Rachelle Toarmino—two award-winning writers who are also married—join Laura Federico to explore desire, ambition, and creative partnership. They discuss the ecstatic "adrenaline rush" of making art, the relationship between absence and wanting, and how they navigate power dynamics in both their work and relationship. From Rachelle's viral poem "You up?" to Aidan's examination of his aunt and uncle's art world journey, they reveal how desire evolves from abstract wanting to deep connection, why intimacy matters more than fame, and what it means to think through writing as two people building a life together.
***
Laura Federico
The Cycle Book
Rachelle Toarmino
Hell Yeah
You up?
Aidan Ryan
I Am Here You Are Not I Love You
***
TIMESTAMPS
05:14 — Is it better to desire or to be desired?
06:23 — Desire as the engine of creative work
07:51 — The relationship between absence and desire
08:53 — Desire vs. ambition in the life of an artist
10:00 — Aidan's early encounters with publishing and fame
12:32 — The discomfort of being desired and misinterpreted
13:24 — Rachelle on rejecting careerist poetry tracks
14:56 — "I want to be read because I want to be felt and understood"
16:59 — What ecstasy feels like when writing a poem
18:21 — How Aidan and Rachelle met
21:41 — "Our understanding of our desires improves as we age"
22:06 — What changes as the relationship evolves
23:46 — The intimacy of direct address in Rachelle's poetry
25:15 — Finding the out-loud voice of new poems
27:07 — The story behind "You up?" the viral Tumblr poem
29:38 — Gender roles in creative relationships
33:41 — Power dynamics beyond patriarchal stereotypes
34:52 — Where desire and power intersect
***
Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.