Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Does your tween or teen struggle with low confidence and self-esteem? Do you want to cultivate healthy self-compassion and self-worth in them — and in yourself?

In this special "Best of Ask Lisa" compilation, clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and co-host Reena Ninan pull together some of their most powerful conversations on self-esteem, confidence, and self-compassion, covering the full arc of the tween and teen years. 

Whether your child is drowning in negative self-talk, paralyzed by perfectionism, or just seems to have lost the spark they once had, this episode will help you understand what's normal, what's not, and what actually works.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why confidence naturally dips around ages 5-9 (and why that doesn't mean you've failed as a parent)

- Why girls often experience a sharp confidence drop around age 12, and what's really going on for boys during puberty

- The "tributaries and the lake" framework for building self-esteem that lasts across a lifetime

- How to respond when your kid spirals into harsh negative self-talk, including the exact phrases Dr. Lisa recommends

- Whether it's okay to tell your daughter she's beautiful

- How modeling self-compassion is one of the most powerful confidence tools you have

This episode draws on insights from guests Dr. Tovah Klein, Dr. Sue Varma, and Dr. Traci Baxley, alongside Dr. Lisa's own research and clinical expertise.

Your child's confidence struggles are workable; making small, consistent shifts in how you respond can make a real difference over time.

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Today's sponsors:

Momentous: Get 5% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.livemomentous.com⁠

Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at ⁠https://www.shopify.com/asklisa⁠

Mill: $75 off with your membership code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.mill.com/asklisa⁠.

Caraway: 10% off your next order with promo code ASKLISA at https://www.carawayhome.com/discount/asklisa

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 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

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Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

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Episode keywords: teen self-esteem, tween confidence, building confidence in kids, negative self-talk kids, how to raise confident kids, self-esteem middle school, girl confidence drop age 12, boys puberty self-esteem, perfectionism in teens, self-compassion kids, parenting teen girls appearance, how to help insecure teen

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Your teen does everything right. Homework done. Pays attention. Stays organized. Has study skills. And still struggles with tests.

​​Sound familiar? You're not alone, and this is not your kid's fault.

In this episode of “Ask Lisa,” clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan dig into one of the most frustrating and confusing problems parents face: the capable, motivated teen who just can't seem to perform on assessments. 

Drawing on the science of learning and memory, Lisa explains exactly why this happens, what's actually going on in your teen's brain, and how you can help without turning study time into a battleground.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why being great at class has almost nothing to do with being great at tests

- Why the transition to high school catches so many teens (especially boys) off guard

- The study habits that feel productive but actually don't work (and what to do instead)

- A step-by-step approach to starting the study skills conversation with your teen

- Why your teen probably won't take your advice, and who they will actually listen to

- How to broker the right kind of help so your kid feels supported, not managed

Whether your teen is heading into finals, is making the jump to high school, or has been struggling for a while, this episode gives you real, research-backed tools to help them turn things around.

BOOK: Outsmart Your Brain by Daniel T. Willingham, PhD

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Today's Sponsors:

Task Rabbit: Get fifteen dollars off your first task using promo code ASKLISA with the Taskrabbit app or at https://www.taskrabbit.com.

Donors Choose: Have your gift matched today at ⁠https://www.donorschoose.org/asklisa⁠.

iRestore: Receive discounts on their red light therapy devices at https://www.irestore.com/

Children&Screens: Check out Screen Deep wherever you listen to podcasts.

________________

 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

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Episode keywords:

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Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence

It's prom season, and one mom is facing a tough call: her son wants to go to an unsupervised after-party two hours away. Other parents are saying yes. Her gut is saying no. And her son is saying he'll skip prom entirely if she doesn't let him go.

Whether it's prom, spring break, or any other "big night" moment, dilemmas like this one can keep parents up at night. Should you trust your kid, or should you trust your instincts?

Dr. Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author, and Reena Ninan break it all down with the warmth, honesty, and research-backed guidance parents of teens actually need. No judgment. Just real talk about the hard calls parents need to make.

This episode is about every high-stakes moment when your teen's desire for fun and independence collides with your responsibility to keep them safe. And it's about knowing, with confidence, that prioritizing safety IS the right call, even when it's the hard one.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why your gut feeling about this isn't overreacting (and what the science says about teens, peer groups, and risk)

- How to hold a firm safety limit even when every other parent seems to be saying yes

- The "third option" strategy: how to get your teen out of all-or-nothing thinking and find an alternative you can both live with

- Why explaining the real risks (not just saying "no") changes the conversation entirely

- How to survive your teen being mad at you without caving, holding a grudge, or damaging the relationship

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Today's sponsors:

Understood: Check out Everyone Gets a Juice Box wherever you listen to podcasts.

OneSkin: Use the code ASKLISA for 15% off your next purchase at https://www.oneskin.co/ASKLISA.

Jones Road Beauty:  Use the code ASKLISA for a free Shimmer Face Oil with your first purchase at ⁠https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com⁠.

Momentous: Get 5% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.livemomentous.com⁠

________________

 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

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Loot boxes, in-app purchases, Robux, skins — and a kid who won't stop asking for them. If you're a parent of a tween or teen gamer, you already know this pressure. But are these purchases actually harmful, or are you just out of touch with how gaming works today?

In-app purchases are one of the most confusing pressure points for parents of tweens and teens right now. The games are "free to download," but they’re not really free. And when real money turns into Robux or gems, it can disappear fast.

In this episode, clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan break down exactly what's going on inside these video games, what parents actually need to worry about, and how to set clear, calm limits without turning every gaming session into a fight.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why "free-to-play" games aren't actually free, and how to explain the business model to your kid in a way that sticks

- The difference between cosmetic skins and loot boxes

- How virtual currencies like Robux and gems are specifically designed to make spending feel like it's not real money

- A simple framework for talking about whose money, how much, and what happens when it runs out

- How to stay warm and curious about your kid's gaming life in a way that prioritizes a strong relationship with your kid

Gaming isn't the enemy, but clever marketing is baked into these platforms, and your kid needs you to be one step ahead of it. This episode gives you the language and the confidence to do exactly that.

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Today's sponsors:

Wayfair: Visit ⁠https://wayfair.com.

LMNT: Receive a free LMNT Sample Pack with any order at https://drinklmnt.com/asklisa

Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at https://www.WarbyParker.com/ASKLISA ⁠

Cozy Earth: Get 20% off your order with promo code ASKLISA https://cozyearth.com/________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

Episode keywords: loot boxes kids, Robux spending, parental controls gaming, video game addiction kids, kids and gambling, online gaming kids, kids in-app purchases, video game spending kids, loot boxes tweens, free to play games kids, Robux parents guide, video game limits kids, teaching kids money gaming, kids spending real money games, setting video game boundaries, teen gaming purchases

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In recognition of National Fentanyl Awareness Day, we're bringing back one of our most critical episodes — because every family needs this information.

Illicit fentanyl has contaminated the drug landscape and is causing record deaths among young people. How should parents talk with their teens about this fast-moving crisis? What can we say to help keep our kids safe?

Dr. Lisa Damour, who serves on the advisory board of Song for Charlie, and Reena Ninan are joined by Ed Ternan and Marcia Lee Taylor of Song for Charlie, the national nonprofit behind National Fentanyl Awareness Day. Ed, who tragically lost his 22-year-old son to a counterfeit prescription pill, and Marcia, former President and CEO of the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, cover the basics about fentanyl and offer concrete guidance on how to have effective conversations with teens about its dangers.

If you've already heard this episode, share it with someone who hasn't. It could save a life.

Be sure to check out The New Drug Talk resources available at their website: ⁠www.songforcharlie.org⁠

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Today's sponsors:

Donors Choose: Have your gift matched today at https://www.donorschoose.org/asklisa.

Cash App: For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code: FAMILY10.

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

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