Melrose Place Cast

A DOUBLE RAINBOW?!? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?

Err ... I mean a double episode!

Melrose Place is getting out of their mid-season doldrums ... or perhaps working through it ... to set the stage for the season five finale and the mass exodus of og characters.

We've already lost Jane and Jo, but by all accounts Kimberly will be leaving soon and Jake seems hell bent on taking Alison with him to Rhonda's suburbia.

We get the return of an abortion story line, this time with Alison having to assert her bodily autonomy into the universe. "It's too bad the baby's inside me."

Amanda is pretending to seduce Craig, who is trying to make Peter jealous, who sleeps with Taylor in anger.

Kyle has a new bro-friend who hates Taylor, and so you can be sure he is going to be stirring things up to maintain his friendship with Kyle and not have to deal with any "wife" or whatever screwing things up.

Also, Michael slept with Kimberly, so again, he cheated on his wife with his ex-wife, again.

Well, Teege and Mary are running the tape on Kimberly's runway on this show. Will she make it? Will she survive? How long will she last? Will she be brought back?

Who knows?!?

Well, Teege does, but he's not saying. #nospoilers

This week, we have this odd jealousy thing bubbling up between Megan and Kimberly. Not that Michael making them jealous of each other is odd, but the way this love triangle started now makes it odd to have jealousy bubbling up, especially as Kimberly is nearing the end of her rope.

What is that Greek mythology of a God cutting all of our strings at some point? Eh, whatever, we're not scientists.

Kyle has a new sparring partner, his old military / army / navy / other tough guy thing buddy, where they launch into a deep debate over who is the butt and who is the wipe.

Teege and Mary of course come in to add an artistic flair to the question, attempting to answer: is it better to be the butt or the wipe?

Bonus appearance in this story of one of Teege's old red neck uncles. (Not that he's aged, just that he's long gone from Thanksgiving dinners, due to divorce.)

Sydney and Sam are having a spat, as Sydney kicks Sam out, but Sam gets help from her hunky ex-boyfriend lawyer who threatens Amanda, and, oh geez who cares.

As I write this, I don't remember what happened with Amanda and Craig, but pretty sure they're starting to feud now, in part because Amanda's demand for $5,000,000 from daddy may have caused his heart attack? Or maybe because Amanda said "hike it up, Nancy, and get back to work, the funerl's over!"

Whatever. We're really struggling here.

Well, dear listeners, it appears that we need to admit mistakes (made by our intern), take accountability (for our intern's screw up), and apologize to you (about our intern) for the long run of non-episode episodes.

Heading into a new year, we imagine what the characters of Melrose Place are going to resolve going into the new year.

Will Michael resolve to be faithful to his fourth/fifth wife? (Fourth woman, fifth marriage ... right?)

Will Sydney operate as a legit businesswoman?

Will Kimberly live through the year?

Let's see together!

Look, Mary agreed to do a holiday special episode of the podcast. However, she had no idea that I was going to switch up the actual holiday we were celebrating.
So, please forgive the lack of cultural preparedness, as we stumble through our own ignorance of how poorly we understand one of the most significant religions in our world.
That said, lack of expertise wouldn't stop us from delivering you this sweet, sweet Melrose Place content.